I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
