My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
