didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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