Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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