i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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