OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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