we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
