You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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