Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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