you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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