I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
