put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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