Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
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