I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
