If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
