if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
