i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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