Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
