Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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