I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
What a dumb baby whore.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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