with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
