She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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