Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
