he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
