in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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