Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
