I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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