i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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