I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
