I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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