Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
