apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
