i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
