I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
