Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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