the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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