There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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