You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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