i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize