"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
