i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I have feelings that need drinking.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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