What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
