My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
