At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
