I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
