the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
