I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
