Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Randomize
