Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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