this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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