You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
