There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
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