It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Found your dick twin last night
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
