don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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