I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
