I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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