Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
