Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
