I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
