Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
