in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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