yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
