i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
