Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
