if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
