I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
