hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
