i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
