guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
