forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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