I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
