and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
