we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize