I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
