I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
