We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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