The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
its liver damage thursday
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
