youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just pee around me
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
