There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
