Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
