he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
