I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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