Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
bring money and cleavage
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
