We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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