gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
