All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
