I accidentally burped into my bong.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize