Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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