Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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