apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
