I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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