Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i will never coherently bang her
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
