im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
