Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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