I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
