Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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