in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
