It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize