I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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