remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
