He disabled his match.com account in front of me
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
