Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
