Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Houston, we have a blender
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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