I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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