i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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