you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
