Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Is Oprah even human
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
