I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
