im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize