I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
